now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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