im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
