I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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