is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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