Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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