the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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