No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
