the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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