I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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