I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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