I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
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You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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