McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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