We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
