i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
