Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
