Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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