I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
