3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
