I wish life had little blips of pornography
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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