i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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