ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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