Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
