why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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