i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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