I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
