I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
