just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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