happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
