now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
