Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
