His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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