My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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