I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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