I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
