She said her name was "party"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
