im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
