I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
