Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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