Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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