He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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