That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my poor anus
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
