Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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