Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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