i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
