Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
