At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
