i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
