i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
