The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
