Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
