We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
