you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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