R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dicks are not precious.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
