I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
