i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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