Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
